Category

Portrait

Location

Arts university Bournemouth Library

Gear

Mamiya Rz67, 110mm F2.8, kodak portra 400, Scanned with Sony A7R4, 90mm GM

Description

ARTIST STATEMENT: Alev loves libraries, animation, gaming, cats, ramen – the list goes on. She also has an obsession with coffee and says she cannot live without it. This portrait is part of a larger series where I photograph people showcasing their personalities while wearing a small tag detailing their mental health condition because, much like the tag, medical labels are so small compared to the bigger picture of someone’s life. Alev may have borderline personality disorder, but she is certainly not her diagnosis. INTENTION: The idea for I Am Not My Diagnosis came to me when I first sought treatment for my mental health in 2016. Growing up in Singapore, where mental health conditions are heavily stigmatized, I remember feeling ashamed to see a psychiatrist. It felt like I was harboring a dirty secret, and I struggled to accept my diagnosis. Today, I have fully embraced my Bipolar disorder. It is the greatest challenge of my life and always will be, but I know I wouldn’t be who I am without it. Through this project, I want to show others that a diagnosis does not have to define you. There are countless aspects to a person's life beyond a diagnosis. Yes, your condition may shape who you are, but it is just one small part in the grand scale of your life. My goal is to turn this series into an extended body of work, eventually publishing it as a book that offers comfort and connection to others facing similar struggles, letting them know they are not alone. PROCESS: I found Alev through a mass email I sent to my university mailing list. Despite expressing that photoshoots usually terrified her, she responded to my call. We met up several times for coffee, and through our shared experiences with mental health, we quickly connected. This allowed me to create a safe space for her, which was essential for the portrait. Alev has a dynamic personality, with multiple hobbies, passions, and safe spaces, making the concept for her portrait come together naturally. I wanted to capture her flamboyance, spontaneity, and energy, so we decided to incorporate as many of the items she loves as possible into her favourite place—the library. Technically, the shoot required me to completely rework the lighting since the university library’s lights were inadequate. I eliminated the ambient light and lit the scene with three strobes: one as a key light, one to create reflections and shadows on the bookshelves, and another for ambient fill. For the camera setup, I chose the Mamiya RZ67 Pro II with a 110mm f/2.8 lens, shooting on Kodak Portra 400 film. I exposed the film at 200 ISO to preserve shadow detail, developed it with a Colenta C41 processor, and personally scanned the negatives using a Sony A7R IV. SETTINGS: On location - F8, 1/125s, ISO400film exposed at 200 scanning - 1/8s, f5, ISO 50

Photographer

Nicholas Teo

Social Media

Instagram: Nickneedstosleep

Website: Nickteo.photos

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